This month, for the Secret Garden Meeting, we are focusing on what has helped us through the loss of our babies. To participate you can go to The Secret Garden Meeting website or visit to read what has helped others. This group meets once a month to offer comfort, support and love in a safe environment.
For me, it has been a handful of things. Mostly it has been the sufficient grace of God. There are times, no doubt, when it seems like I am walking alone, but He always has a way of showing me just how much He cares and knows how much I hurt daily. He has filled this rough path with promises of hope and comfort through His Word.
Another thing God has given me is the commitment of my husband's support through this time. Given, men just grieve differently (topic for another day) but he is just there for me. When I am down, he likes to make me smile and picture Jenna just having a time of her life. Other times, like lately, he will be sad with me. I like that.
Blogging and connecting with other women through this blog community has helped me on so many levels. It has shown me that there is a world of women hurting and shattered over the loss of their child(ren). It takes my mind off of me. This journaling has also been therapuetic to allow me to write my heart out.
Talking about her is the best thing on planet Earth! The people IRL who will actually listen to me talk about her without shriveling up in fear are far and few between, but God has been good to put a few people out there. I love talking about Jenna. She is my world, even now. I wish I could tell the world how we should be allowed to talk about our babies who left this earth too soon. Making us feel uncomfortable or avoiding the subject only adds to the loss we are enduring, like pushing her into nonexistence. It hurts so much. So here is my safe place. The community who will listen and understand. The women who yearn to share their stories, memories and heartbreak. I am so thankful for this blogging community.
Honestly, there are few things I like doing now because social activities are still out of the comfort zone for me. I feel like a hermit, but that's just how life is right now. Home is a safe place - far from newborns, pregnant women, careless words, careless people... so I guess in a way you can say being home has been a help to me. I have never been a homebody until now. I used to be the one who liked to always be on the go and run around even if it meant just window-shopping or running errands. Strange how life changes.
15 comments:
Do you know Franchesca, I loved this post because it was nice and long! I'm so glad you have so many loving people in your life and a faith that gives you so much support.
with love, Jess xo
thank you for sharing :) I too am quite the home body now..every time I do venture out, its babies everywhere, pregnant women, sometimes its just too much.. I am so glad I found this community, for a while, I seriously thought I was insane.. or at least getting to that point.. hugs!
I am homebody now too. Before losing Ella, I'd leave the house everyday. Now, I can go days without stepping out. Blogging has been my greatest form of therapy, also.
I completely agree with you -- being a "hermit" for awhile is totally normal and wonderful! I had to retreat from the outside world for a long time. Unfortunately it didn't keep out the mean phone calls, cruel letters, and stinging christmas cards -- but it did help. (I have 2 sisters in law who were particularly awful during that time). I tried to do social events right after we lost our first son ... I was miserable. There are times even now (3 years later) when I do not want to attend events because of the pain I know I'll feel when I see babies and pregant women and hear the insensitive words people spew. This was a wonderful post!!
Hey beautiful friend!!!! I want you to know that I think about Jenna. I too miss her and I want you to know that. We should get together and do a painting. Know that I am not afraid of talking about your daughter so please don't hesitate. I'm down the road from your casa when at work. Did you do the Handprints painting with the woman and bird???? I love it!!!! You are strong even in your weakness such a beautiful thing. A gift the Lord has given you. Miss you!!!!!!!!
P.S. I was given gerba-daisy flowers on sunday and Jenna is who I thought of when i saw them. :-0)
KP
Katie, you are just so beautiful! I know you are one of those "few and far between" God bless you, dear friend. Painting - good idea.
P.S. I wish I could say that I painted that, but my friend found it for me. =) It is so perfect... Jenna, my small bird.
Love you so much
I agree with what you have written. I find it so helpful to be able to connect with other loss moms.
I love talking about my boys too. I talk about them to who ever will listen. I am also a bit of a hermit now. I am not as bad as i was in the first few months after losing them but it still takes alot of effort to get out of the house.
I became quite a hermit as well. I think I felt like others just couldn't relate and I couldn't relate to them anymore.
Francesca--I too am thankful for this blogging community. I love talking about Chase but most people can't handle it when I get sad about it and don't undrestand why or how I could possibly enjoy that. I read on Jessica's blog and liked how she put it. "Reading some of these blogs makes me feel like I am sitting at their kitchen table listening to her while she's cooking" (or something like that). It's true though. This community is unlike any other I've ever experienced. Virtual as it may be, it's so real.
xxxooo
Christy
p.s. So glad to hear your husband "can be sad with you" because those times are crucial to getting through some of the waves of this grief...
I too am a homebody now- there is no one in the "real world" that can relate. Like most have said the blogging world has been wonderful in the sense that there are other people who know what I am feeling.
Being able to share grief with my husband has been very special for me too. Yes, we do it differently but every now and then we connect in the same way and grieve together. It's humbling, binding and beautiful.
I'm a homebody too. It's nice to have a safe place to just be.
So sorry about Jenna.
xx
Hi, I too love to talk about Florence, I'm certain I will become a total bore on the subject eventually,but I'm so very glad I have friends who will listen.
Found myself nodding... and nodding... and nodding...
Thinking of you!
Hugs-
I too wish you could tell the world... we want to talk about and celebrate them. That doesn't stop just because they are gone. Thinking of you. Thank you for sharing.
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