"And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three..." I Corinthians 13:13
Everyday is a horrible reminder of the life that could have been. Having been almost four months into this nightmare of the life almost lived, it has exhausted my entire being. My will to fight and live and breath. But out of nowhere here it is.
Hope. Abiding Hope.
He pours it into my soul in buckets of sweet rain. I don't look for hope as I feel like hope is a way of leaving her behind. But when He just gives it to me, I can't resist. It feels so nice to have a glimpse of the life that survives this aftermath. He gives me hope when I least expect it, when I don't deserve it after all my questioning and anger and when I least understand it. He lifts me up just like He said He would. I don't know what my hope will bring, but I know that it is something that can be waited for.
When everything inside of me has failed, I have an abiding hope. One of my favorite definitions of the word abide is found in webster's dictionary.
abide: \ə-ˈbīd\ 1 to endure without yielding
Without Yielding! We have a blessed hope. We really really do. We can bring our shattered hearts and all the parts of our lives that don't make any sense to Him. When everyone around us seems to be forgetting our precious angels or when people shrivel up in conversation when you tell them yes, you had a child but they died, He has not forgotten or left any pieces of our lives behind. He is ok talking with us about our angels.
Tonight, even if it lasts for only a moment, I am going to dare to hope. I will not pretend I am ok. I will have a broken heart the rest of my life. I will always wonder why. But since Jesus made a way for me to hope, tonight I will. For as long as I can. There is no harm in hoping.
Lately I have had a bunch of rough days which has probably been reflected in my posts. Since I have shared my rough days I wanted to share my hope. Abiding Hope.
Hope for a healed heart.
Hope to go Home one day.
Hope to have a healthy baby one day.
Hope to see our last enemy conquered, death.
Hope to see my Jenna again.
"But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings..." Malachi 4:2
6 comments:
your post is just what i needed to read.
i am having so much trouble believing there is hope at the moment.
thankyou x
There is definitely hope and I'm glad you are feeling it. I love the defnition of abide.
That is very beautiful. And as a good friend of mine said to me (when I said how angry I feel at times at the unfairness that babies who are wanted die), God can take all our anger. He's got to understand how torn our hearts are.
I am happy that you can still feel hope, that you have kept your faith through this struggle. Your strength moves me.
Dearest Fran,you are a great testamony to so many people,me included.There is hope,God always brings us hope,when we don't expect it,or when we cant feel it.it is there...Sometimes we even dont want to feel it,the pain is too strong&we cant see beyond the rain. its all too real.But somewhere in all that darkness is a speck of light,that light is hope,peeking through trying to bring itself out to you.Let it in,let that hope fill your heart,that hope is what keeps your whole being from completely falling apart.God is with you in your valley,i know you dont always feel that but he is carring you.I love you me dearest friend.Keep hope in your heart
I have a question for you. Could you email me? caring4carleigh@yahoo.com
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