9.27.2009

Nothing


Dear Jenna,

What I wouldn't do to hold you again
To look on your sweet face
The very one who completed my world
for 13 days

What I wouldn't do to be your mommy again
To be by your side,
Even if meant there in that cold room
With doctors and their fancy words
We knew nothing about

What I wouldn't do to watch you move
and try to open your eyes
Wondering at the world as I wondered
at the color of your eyes

What I wouldn't do to watch Daddy stare at you
So proud of his firstborn daughter
It was new, so new
And perfect

What I wouldn't do to let you know I love you
To explain the very meaning of this hurt
Because I loved and love you
Deeply

What I wouldn't do to empty myself of this life
That constantly throws
Reminders at me
That once upon a time I was a mother...

What I wouldn't do to divorce myself from the grave
That knows my daughter all to well
And mocks me the times that I visit you
As if victory ended that day

What I wouldn't do to make the world see
that people hurt everyday
that babies don't always come home
And that you existed

What I wouldn't do to hold your hand again
The memory of that perfect feeling
Pierces me and it hurts
To remember how happy you made me

What I wouldn't do to make myself just see
That you really are alright
That Heaven is beyond what this world could ever give you
And you still know me as your mommy.

I love you, my precious Princess Jenna Belle


11 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

Beautiful! Hugs Francesca!

Karen said...

That is beautiful, Franchesca. Thinking of you and your precious girl. (((Hugs)))

Catherine W said...

What beautiful words for your little girl. xo

Cristin said...

beautiful and perfect and heartbreakingly true.

amy said...

this was so beautiful dear friend.you are always on mind and Jenna is always in my heart.Prayers for you&lots of love sent up tp the skies.

Caroline said...

So very beautiful & your on mind alot. I pray for you so much & your husband. Prayers & {{HUGS}}
Caroline

Tina said...

Lovely...xxxx

Lea said...

Beautifully put, Franchesca. Thinking of you and your sweet Jenna Belle.

You are a mother. A loving, kind, caring, fantastic mother. Don't ever tell yourself otherwise.

Once A Mother said...

Oh Franchesca... when you said
Even if meant there in that cold room
With doctors and their fancy words
We knew nothing about
that brought so much back for me. I wish your Jenna was in your arms.

Jen said...

what a beautiful post..and I agree with Lea.. you are still a mother, a fantastic mother that Jenna must be so incredibly proud of.. Hugs!

Holly said...

Your writing is very beautiful and yes, what I wouldn't do....

Jenna's Name Slideshow

Thank you so much for emailing me pictures of my Jenna's name. It means so much that you took time to remember my Jenna with me. XO