The preacher was preaching on Joseph. And we know that Joseph experienced much sorrow, loneliness, and loss. Every bit of it was undeserving but every bit of it was also being closely monitored by God. Nothing happened to Joseph that God didn't already know about. I can't honestly say I believe God plans disasters and tragedies, but He is just so big that He can make good from horrible horrible situations, for His glory.
The best part of the sermon was when he said that Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh because "God... hath made me to forget all my toil," (Genesis 41:51).
I can't help but think - what circumstance could possibly come close to making me forget all that these past eight months have brought on me??? Of course in our world (babyloss land) no baby will ever come close to making us forget the one we lost.
The preacher went on the describe the joy and wonder that overcame Joseph as he held his son and played out a scenario where someone else in the room might have asked him about the years in prison and he just glances over at them, completely lost in where God has brought him, and says "What prison?"
This brought tears to my eyes. I can't see that ever being me... forgetting the pain.
I never want to forget my daughter, I believe that is impossible. She is a part of me, in more ways than I can even put into words. But this sermon makes me look forward to the day I draw my last breath.
And I see my Savior who made it possible to be reunited with her.
And I get to SEE her. I think then it might be okay to forget some things...
All the tears,
all the lonely days and nights,
all the random breakdowns,
all the endless questioning,
all the emptiness,
all the broken-spirited days,
all the times I knew she should have been there with us,
all the times we cried at the cemetery and in private,
all the times I passed by the baby girl section at a store and wanted to do nothing but smash plates and destroy something in anger and resentment,
all the times I couldn't look at her pictures because the memories H.U.R.T.,
all the times I dreaded being somewhere because I would be babyless but yet a mother,
all the times I loved so hard I began to hate somethings in this world,
all the times I became acquainted with the rage I never knew I had,
all the times I sang hymnals and felt like the biggest hypocrite (because let's face it... I hadn't been feeling that heavenly sunlight in a while),
all the times I went to bed so late (to the point of near exhaustion) so that I wouldn't have to lie down and face my mind alone
I think then, I believe then I will forget too... all my toil.
If you are interested, my church had the sermons streamed online, so you can view the sermon here. It's called "Joseph's Triumph", under Monday 01-11-10.
8 comments:
This is such a beautiful post, Franchesca. You will never forget Jenna as she is a part of you and lives within you. xo
You just know exactly what my heart feels.
Recently an article wrote about how a current deployment (we are military) affected the families left behind. An acquaintance of mine, who had her son about two weeks before Matthew was born was featured. I try to hold no ill-will toward her, but she makes FB posts that don't make her sound all that grateful for what she has. The article talked about how she had to learn to be a mom without her husband (he missed the baby's birth because of the deployment)...I just thought, "Oh yeah? Well *I* have to learn to be a mom without my baby. Try that.
I can't wait for the day I forget those feelings as well. Thanks for the link to the sermon!
Thank you for sharing the sermon is beauitful.I am in tears,
This is just so very lovely. Your faith is beautiful, as is this sermon.
This is a beautiful post. Jenna will never be forgotten.
What a beautiful post. Again, I am inspired by your faith!
Huge hugz and love to you! xoxo
Wow, what got to me was the part where you mentioned Joseph saying "What prison?" It just moved me very deeply and brought me to tears. I can't even describe how I feel!
I've been feeling this way lately too. I want to leave the bitterness and hurt behind- though never Levi. I want to be able to keep going forward and seeing the joy in each moment and all the potentials for the future. Joseph remembered his brothers when he saw them- but didn't let the bitterness keep him from reaching out. What a wonderful story to remember- thank you for sharing his testimony & yours!
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