http://thesecretgardenmeeting.blogspot.com/2009/07/july-meeting.htmlThe Secret Garden Meeting comes together the last Friday of every month to offer support, hope, healing, acceptance and most importantly a place to be free and safe for bereaved parents. The questions for July are below with some of my thoughts...
How do you see or imagine your baby/ies now that you do not have them with you?
At first it was extremely hard to imagine Jenna Belle anywhere. Everyone kept telling me that she was in Heaven. That was a nice thought but so hard to get a mental picture of. After about three weeks to a month, I could finally see her. This brought a new peace and comfort that she was in good hands. Today I see her on the street of gold, with her dark curly pigtails bouncing around as she rides her pony. I can see her in the presence of family and friends who have gone on before, like her grandpa. And the best part is she is healthy. And happy. I don't believe she will have grown a whole lot from the moment we said goodbye when we meet again since time in Heaven is not like it is on earth.
On my hard days, even this vision does not offer a whole lot of comfort since there is still separation. It's times like that that I know she is not as far away as I feel. She watches me, listens to me and loves me. Sometimes I get this thought that she is right next to me but I just can't see her. She knows that I miss her and she waits.
How did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancy?
Its hard to say right now. There are of course the natural fears of history repeating itself, which would be the end of me. All I can do is hope for God's mercy.
"The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy."
-Psalm 147:11
3 comments:
You are very strong in your faith and you will get through this. Know that you are not alone and whenever you are sad, Jenna Belle is there loving you and needing you and will some day see you again. My prayers are with you. Thank you for your kind comments.
Christy
What a great post & I think w/ everything it just takes time. I agree that you are never alone. Jenna Belle is smilin & can't wait just like you to see you again. My Dad never got to see any of his grandchildren but I know that my 2 babies are lost & already with there Grandpa just waiting. I hope that if it is in God's plans for you that you can someday have another child. Just stay strong in the faith & know that God loves all of us so much. Take care & HUGS
Caroline
Stop by my blog I have a award for you. :)
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