Jenna Belle's Ornament

We finally moved into our first new home (YAY!) and setting up house has been a bittersweet experience. For the most part, it has been a nice - really nice - distraction. But on the other hand I shouldn't be even close to finishing the unpacking. I should be baby-proofing everything.

There should be a beautiful, almost-seven month old baby girl at my side, taking up my time. And I get to wondering if I will always look at this empty hole and wonder about all the what-ifs and should-have-beens...

*sigh*

But it is what it is.

Whether I like it or not.

We started the Christmas tree... it's crooked like our last one. I'd ask my husband to fix it, but after we tried to a few nights ago, I just decided that it makes life interesting :) And the need to be a perfectionist just isn't that important anymore...

At my church we have a Christian sorority for the young women. We each have secret sisters that we encourage through letters, pray for and give small gifts to. We have a special place where we leave these gifts in our church to keep it discreet.

Well I have no idea who she is, but my secret sister is just FABULOUS. She bought me this ornament...

Sorry the picture is kind of dark, but isn't it beautiful!!!! So my Jenna has three ornaments now... my beautiful, beautiful Jenna Belle.

(It is from Things Remembered if you are looking for that perfect ornament :)

Just What I Needed

Today I was having a day that started ok but quickly spiraled downward. When I checked the mail, I found this in the mailbox and it made me cry more, but it was just what I needed. Thank you, Deborah.
In case you don't know, Deborah sends babylost mamas these beautiful handkerchiefs from her blog For Your Tears.

Aside from this gift being the consolation I needed, it was also perfect. When Jenna died, we dressed her in a white dress with lavender embroidery at the top. I will always associate the color lavender with her death. The night she was born and put in the NICU, the nurse put a bright red bow with polkadots on her sweet baby curls. But I wanted to keep that bow as a precious precious memory. So to match her dress, we put a white bow on her. Anyway, I just wanted to openly thank Deborah and share this bittersweet moment. God really does care about us.

What About Them Clouds??

So I told you I liked the clouds... If you haven't read about it yet, I do. I absolutely love them. Its the one thing from God's creation that man can do little to destroy. (Well, aside from covering them up with smog, man cannot even destroy them!) So anyway I was driving home and here are some more clouds... Aren't they beautiful!? Well the picture really doesn't do it justice. It was just after a thunderstorm and some rain. The trees were the intensely saturated green from being completely soaked, and the sun was barely glimpsing over the horizon. If the skies are this beautiful I cannot even wrap my mind around how beautiful Heaven must be. Jenna's home. (sigh)