Triplet Butterfly Wings for Jenna

Rachel, from Triplet Butterfly Wings released Jenna Belle's monarch last month and I just thought to check on it. It is so beautiful what she does for bereaved parents. You can see her blog for monarch releases here.

Aside from the monarch releases, she also makes micro preemie hats and burial sleepers/wraps to donate to other families who are on this horrible journey of losing a baby. She has embraced her losses of her precious triplets by helping others facing this tragedy. Her website is beautiful and is full of resources for bereaved parents. It can be seen here.

Thank you, Rachel!

Jenna Belle's Ornament

We finally moved into our first new home (YAY!) and setting up house has been a bittersweet experience. For the most part, it has been a nice - really nice - distraction. But on the other hand I shouldn't be even close to finishing the unpacking. I should be baby-proofing everything.

There should be a beautiful, almost-seven month old baby girl at my side, taking up my time. And I get to wondering if I will always look at this empty hole and wonder about all the what-ifs and should-have-beens...

*sigh*

But it is what it is.

Whether I like it or not.

We started the Christmas tree... it's crooked like our last one. I'd ask my husband to fix it, but after we tried to a few nights ago, I just decided that it makes life interesting :) And the need to be a perfectionist just isn't that important anymore...

At my church we have a Christian sorority for the young women. We each have secret sisters that we encourage through letters, pray for and give small gifts to. We have a special place where we leave these gifts in our church to keep it discreet.

Well I have no idea who she is, but my secret sister is just FABULOUS. She bought me this ornament...

Sorry the picture is kind of dark, but isn't it beautiful!!!! So my Jenna has three ornaments now... my beautiful, beautiful Jenna Belle.

(It is from Things Remembered if you are looking for that perfect ornament :)

Just What I Needed

Today I was having a day that started ok but quickly spiraled downward. When I checked the mail, I found this in the mailbox and it made me cry more, but it was just what I needed. Thank you, Deborah.
In case you don't know, Deborah sends babylost mamas these beautiful handkerchiefs from her blog For Your Tears.

Aside from this gift being the consolation I needed, it was also perfect. When Jenna died, we dressed her in a white dress with lavender embroidery at the top. I will always associate the color lavender with her death. The night she was born and put in the NICU, the nurse put a bright red bow with polkadots on her sweet baby curls. But I wanted to keep that bow as a precious precious memory. So to match her dress, we put a white bow on her. Anyway, I just wanted to openly thank Deborah and share this bittersweet moment. God really does care about us.

A Little Kind Word Goes a Long Way

I had the biggest blessing the other day and I have been wanting to tell the world about it, blog world anyway. A friend approached me and told me she'd been thinking about Jenna and me, and praying for me. It was so out of the blue and spontaneous, it was just what I needed - it literally made my day! Someone talking about my Jenna to me! Thank you and I love you so much, Angela! 

Oh, how I wish I could tell the world that it really is ok to talk about her. I love talking about her. She changed me. She was my little miracle, my gift from Heaven. I might cry when I talk about her, but its not because of what's being said, it's because my heart loves deeply the one I can't hold. I am just so thankful that God gave me her to love. So very thankful. I cannot imagine life without the love that overflows my heart for my sweet Jenna. She was tiny to this world, but she has made an eternal difference in my life. My heart can cry for a mother's breaking heart and truly appreciate the beautiful gift of life.