On My Heart

No one noticed how you were missing that day
but I could see the places where your footprints should have been
and the smiles you would have made.

And people don't see me as someone who had her world fall apart anymore
because these days it looks put back together
I've only mastered the art of looking okay
but not ever really being okay

And I guess that's all people really want to see
Is 'okayness' and that all looks  well.

But I'll never be okay
because my life is not put back together
and I know what life we're missing.

I thought about how much pain you endured
and how brave and strong you were
for such a little girl
I hope you know you're my hero

And when life's difficulties come by
and it feels like I can't go on
I think about the fight you made to stay with us, for us
And that is all the umph I need to make it one more step

Most days I'm convinced that you were not of this world
and really we need you more than you needed us
I hate to admit it.
And it seems as fate had her way you really are alright.
The brokenness was left behind in this imperfect world.


I don't know how much of this world you can see,
but I think about you everyday
and lately talking about you is harder than I'd like it to be
but you will live on through me, one way or another

My heart breaks a little more when I see little girls at your 'would-be' age
but somehow I cannot see you as a one year old child
You are still a tiny newborn to me
And I can't wait to hold you again, Jenna.

Someday soon, I hope.