3.23.2010

I wonder

Dear baby Jenna,

Some days like today I realize I really didn't get to know you. Would you have been strong-willed and spirited? Shy? Playful? Serious? Clumsy? Would you have had a bubbly personality? Would you have been a girlie-girl or a tomboy? Mommy would have tried to dress you up like a doll... and wear all those pretty dresses and shiny shoes...

but somedays I just wonder who you were...

who you would have been like...

and what it would be like to be a mother to a ten-month old princess.

I don't know. I may never know.

I can honestly say I am tired of crying. I am just plain tired. But the tears come if I dwell here too long. Jenna, you are dearly loved and desperately missed.

Somedays I wonder.

Almost everyday, I look outside at your garden and tell my lovelies to "grow for Jenna". Some are having a harder time than others, but overall your angel garden is so refreshing to behold.

These are for you, my precious baby Jenna.










21 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh, that's a beautiful post. I love all the pink flowers. I will be planting some for Audrey when our "real" spring is here..it's May for us Iowans. I know just what you mean when you say you're tired of crying...and I haven't been at it as long as you have *sigh...sending you a hug.

carissa said...

i wish i could cry some tears in your place. may the Lord dry your eyes and be your constant comfort.

Monica said...

I can relate so much to this post. I really really wanted to dress my Gracie in pretty things and it really makes me sad too. I really wanted to know her more. And I am so tired of crying and feeling sad. Big hugs to you:)

Unknown said...

Sending lots of my love your way! If I had to guess she would have been a very outgoing girlie-girl!!! She has an amazing mom and you will be blessed with another opportunity to have and hold a sweet baby!

(((HUGS)))

Jus and Kat said...

I don't think the desire to wonder ever goes away either. I will always wonder what Dylan would've been like, especially at all those "milestone" ages (6 mon, 9 mon, 1 yr, etc.)

I always think to myself that he's a good-looking charmer . . . like his dad. ;)

Hugs,
Kat @ In Dylan's Memory

Jess said...

This post hits home for me. I know I will always wonder so much what Eliana would have been like. I also really miss the fun of dressing her up in girlie stuff, even though she may or may not have liked it when she got older.:) I think these are thoughts that will always be with us, until heaven.

Jenna's flowers are beautiful. It's just finally starting to resemble spring here, so maybe I will get to plant some too. We have almost no yard, but I've still been wanting to make a small area for Eliana.

Anonymous said...

Jenna's flowers are beautiful. I am so jealous of the daisies. I don't think we could grow them here.

I understand this all too well...I often wonder what Jonathan would have been like. Would he been a happy baby. I never got to see his smile. I never got to see him crawl...these things often go through my mind. Thinking of you and Jenna. *hugs*

Jen said...

((hugs)) the flowers are beautiful.. and I too, am just plain tired of crying..

Lauren said...

the flowers are gorgeous ... your heart is gorgeous... and Jenna is gorgeous, in heaven:)

Jill said...

I often wonder too and I know what you mean about being tired. The flowers are simply beautiful! xo

Anonymous said...

Jenna's flowers are beautiful. It must warm your heart to see them.

I wonder these things too. What would she have been like? Who would she have developed into as a person? But one day we will know. I can't wait for that day.

Crystal Theresa said...

Jenna's flowers are beautiful, Franchesca. I'm sorry she is not here with you so that you may know her as she knows you from Heaven. One day we will know our babies - that day just seems so far away doesn't it? ((hugs))

-crystal theresa @Blessed to Be Broken

Nan & Mike said...

Beautiful flowers honey...thinking of you xxxooo Nan

Holly said...

Oh, those flowers are beautiful!!!

I'm sure we'll always wonder what they would have been like...

Maggie said...

Beautiful post and beautiful pictures! (((HUGS)))

Mother Knows Best Reviews said...

I just love Jenna's flowers! They're so pink and delicate - such good homages to a beautiful, sweet girl. :) Hugs to you.

Lori said...

The flowers are gorgeous...

It's so sad that when we wonder, it hurts so much...that all we have is our wondering.

Much love to you friend!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl! xoxo

Mary said...

We will always wonder, I guess that is why this is so hard! :(

If you get a moment, could you post pictures of your garden now that it has blooms? I would love to see it!

Melissa said...

The flowers are lovely, I hope they make you smile.

With Out My Punkin said...

Oh I love the flowers in her garden! I am envious, wont get to plant flowers until late April here...

Jenna's Name Slideshow

Thank you so much for emailing me pictures of my Jenna's name. It means so much that you took time to remember my Jenna with me. XO