http://thesecretgardenmeeting.blogspot.com/2009/07/july-meeting.htmlThe Secret Garden Meeting comes together the last Friday of every month to offer support, hope, healing, acceptance and most importantly a place to be free and safe for bereaved parents. The questions for July are below with some of my thoughts...
How do you see or imagine your baby/ies now that you do not have them with you?
At first it was extremely hard to imagine Jenna Belle anywhere. Everyone kept telling me that she was in Heaven. That was a nice thought but so hard to get a mental picture of. After about three weeks to a month, I could finally see her. This brought a new peace and comfort that she was in good hands. Today I see her on the street of gold, with her dark curly pigtails bouncing around as she rides her pony. I can see her in the presence of family and friends who have gone on before, like her grandpa. And the best part is she is healthy. And happy. I don't believe she will have grown a whole lot from the moment we said goodbye when we meet again since time in Heaven is not like it is on earth.
On my hard days, even this vision does not offer a whole lot of comfort since there is still separation. It's times like that that I know she is not as far away as I feel. She watches me, listens to me and loves me. Sometimes I get this thought that she is right next to me but I just can't see her. She knows that I miss her and she waits.
How did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancy?
Its hard to say right now. There are of course the natural fears of history repeating itself, which would be the end of me. All I can do is hope for God's mercy.
"The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy."
-Psalm 147:11
