Hope Collage's 100th post

I would like to share my 100th post on Abiding Hope Collages with you. You can read about it here. I didn't know what to do at first with the "100th" post on that site, whether to let it slide by unannounced or to make it memorable. The Lord gave me an idea and I hope you like it as much as I do.

I am thankful for...

I read Jen's blog for her precious Ella earlier today and I suddenly became aware of how blessed I am to be "surrounded" with this group of incredible women that I have met through the most unfortunate circumstances. I'd trade it all in a heartbeat (selfish, but true) to have my Jenna here, but I feel that I would be so lost without being able to connect with others who "get" this awful roller coaster of losing a child.

Jen had a beautiful post about being thankful in light of the holidays and how difficult they will be without our angels. She invited anybody who wants to, to play along. You can read her post about being thankful here.

Thank you, Holly, for the pictures you sent me of my Jenna's name! It was so unexpected and I heart surprises (who doesn't!)

I made a slide show of all the pictures of Jenna's name I have received (and made myself =))

Thank you, Lea for the angel wings

Thank you Bree for the Jenna's butterfly

Thank you MaryBeth for lighting a candle for my Jenna Belle

Thank you Carly for writing my Jenna's name in the sand

All of these have made my crying heart smile while my world has been shattered.

Wednesdays for Wyatt

Here we go! Our third Wednesday for Wyatt! It’s quite simple to participate. All you have to do is copy and paste this post on your blog, and come back here to link up with MckLinky! Once you do that, your all set to win a great giveaway.

So far, we are up to 1,443 signatures! Lets try to keep them steadily rolling in.

For those of you who are not familiar with my family and what we are trying to achieve, here’s a brief run down...

Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.

On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.

Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.

Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!

This contest will be open today only. I will close MckLinky down sometime before midnight, so make sure you get linked up ASAP to make sure you are entered to win this giveaway! Thanks for helping everyone, and good luck.

More Closure

I finally got her death certificate. No idea why it took so long other than the fact that there was a hold up in Vital Statistics in Austin. Anyway, I wanted to jot this down. Remember this day. It was sad looking at it. I went to go pick them up and again that disbelief and awe struck me. But they recognized her life. It meant so much to see those 13 days on the certificate. I know that must sound absurd, but it just confirms the reality of her existence that often feels so far away. One day... one day... someday I will finish her scrapbook in a more healthy and capable mind and I think I am going to include a copy of her birth and death certificate along with her SS card. One day.

Sometimes

Sometimes...

I look around and fall right into place into this new reality, new normal -  whatever it is we like to call it.

Sometimes...

I hide behind the facade of everyday life and I am really not okay.

Sometimes...

I hate that others have no idea she existed when they look at me.

Sometimes...

I dread other peoples' remarks and questions.

Sometimes...

Her memory is too precious to share with people who never met her.

Sometimes...

I want to cry because I want to live in the past with her.

Sometimes...

I would rather be a bird and escape this pain.

Sometimes...

I just want to die to see her again.

Sometimes...

Sunny days are pure bliss because it is a break from my shattered, dark world.

Sometimes...

I wonder if lightning strikes twice where I live.

Sometimes...

Her memory brings nothing but a smile.

More often than not - lately -

I am in disbelief. It's then that I realize that this is my life. (sigh)