Days Like These

"For I am become like a bottle in the smoke; yet do I not forget thy statutes."

-Psalms 119:83

Anywhere I go, I feel like there is a lonely dark shadow around me, something like this bottle in the smoke. I guess that's normal after such a loss. After life has shifted the ground back to normal for everyone else, I feel that her memory is slipping away from this world. That is when it just seems endless; the pain, the loss and the absence of hope. As I read on through Psalm 119, I read that David, in spite of his hopeless feelings, he found comfort in God.

"How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!"

-Psalms 119:103

Too Tired to Cry

Well it might be more than just tiredness. I can't cry lately because I realize that no matter how hard I cry or how long I cry, she is NOT coming back. That thought usually leaves me feeling hopeless. I know better, of course. But somehow that's the circle I get caught up into. I read Psalms 69 today. David talks about how he is "weary of crying", but he also ended that thought with, "mine eyes fail while I wait for my God." The Bible did not have that last part italicized, I just wanted to emphasize his faith in such a hard time. Even when he felt hopeless he knew he could still wait on God and not be disappointed. So David cried. When I cry I can wait on my God. What a thought - that David's God is my God!