I doubt it is anything new, but since Jenna passed, its like the amount of sick children and infant loss has magnified. There was a time I really did not know babies died. It was a long time ago, but I was just that dumb. There was a time I thought only drugs and accidents could harm a pregnancy, and things like smoking or alcohol. I had no idea that you could do everything right and still bury your newborn. But today, it's just not about me. I have had a heavy heart for some time. And it is mostly about Jenna, but it also aches because there are so many children who are still fighting for their life. Their parents are daily making hard decisions that involve life and death, decisions that no parent should have to face.
I have wrapped my mind around this thing and choose to embrace the fact that I can relate to this heartache that I used to know nothing about. I am not the least bit happy that this is what life has dealt me, but it is the way it is. I choose to embrace it, on some level. There are days that it is hard and I feel like I am embracing a cactus, and at the end of the day I have scars all over my body. But then there are days that I feel like Jenna did not die in vain if I get to help somebody else. I can never justify her death, only attempt to make it count.
I wish you would pray for Lydia Eileen. She is in the NICU and is having breathing problems and seizures. The hospital, last I read on her blog, is preparing her parents to take her home. There is still some uncertainty. I hope you can visit her blog and offer some encouragement.
