I glanced in my closet the other day. The shelf that used to hold all my high fashion stilettos is now filled up with mommy shoes. I worked at an optical store where it made sense to dress up everyday and I loved it. My husband thought it best to not chance an accident while I was pregnant with Jenna (I am as clumsy as they come), so my journey in mommy shoes began almost two years ago. I think about a few of the stilettos I have left collecting dust. It captures a moment in time. The shoes I used to wear. The girl I used to be.
They don't even fit right anymore.
I thought last night how different life
I thought about 15 months and how much life has changed. I breath without taking deep breaths every five minutes and I didn't know how I would keep breathing. I laugh and I never thought I would be able to thoroughly enjoy life again. I smile and I never thought it sincerely possible after burying her. I love and I never thought I'd be able to love fully again.
But somehow the grief that used to be unbearable becomes bearable. And the sadness that used to be too heavy to tote around everywhere becomes a part of who you are. The tears that fall when it's not socially acceptable become a silent ache that no one can see but you and God. The memories that you used to spill out every chance you got now seem too sacred to share with just anybody.
I've always wanted to wear mommy shoes I just never thought it would be this pair.
16 comments:
What a beautifully written post! You're very talented with your words, and you've captured the emotions we're all going through right now so well! The ache that no one sees? Absolutely perfect. ((hugs))
I hear ya...
Wow, so eloquently written! I couldn't agree more...especially "the tears that fall when it's not socially acceptable become a silent ache that no one can see but you & God". So beautifully said and so incredibly true. I think people so easily forget. At work the other day two women started talking about their babies right next to me, I wanted to scream, guys please it's only been 2mths since I lost Lily could you please be a little more sensitive. Instead I sat there in my sadness trying desperately to focus on something else & tune out their conversation. It's just so hard sometimes.
I don't think I could've written this better myself...
Beautiful post and I feel the exact same way...
Beautiful Franchesca.
I also used to wear very high heels but I finally gave them all away a couple of weeks ago. Mine also didn't even fit right anymore.
The grief does change. I love your description of some memories being too sacred to share. x
Exactly
Wow, Franchesca that is so well said. i couldn't agree more with your words at the stage I am in right now. Sometimes for me that ache is still so close to the surface, and other times it is hidden deep within.
I couldn't agree more with everything on this post.
Beautiful post. It's funny - I was JUST saying on my blog how the sadness sort of takes a back seat to the rest of your life - always there, but you almost learn to ignore it. I guess we're on the same wavelength today.
(((hugs)))
So, so true. I was looking at all my old shoes just the other day. There is no way I'd be able to wear them now.
I really hope we are both blessed with another girl each some day. Makes my heart ache to think about that not happening.
Lovely post.
xo
What a great post !! So true !
Caroline
So beautiful...you put my thoughts into words. I, too, have thought a lot about whether or not I will ever have another baby girl if I am blessed to bring home a healthy baby. I would love any baby God gave me but there is something about the bond between a mother and a daughter...it is just one more thing we feel has been taken from us.
(sigh) love you sister,sending love to the skies.
I added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower if you want to.
God Bless You ~Ron
Loving this post, Franchesca.... so true and beautiful.
xx
I ache, too, Franchesca. Very touching post. I'm exactly there to.
xo
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