He Calmed the Storm

Today I was visiting a friend whose four year old girl recently got diagnosed with leukemia. It was a blessing to me just to be by her side. I got to talk about Jenna Belle and it made me happy. Then I realized how weak I really was and how God really upheld me. I also remembered fearing all the same fears my friend is now feeling. Then I remembered the calm. In the midst of such a storm, I vividly remember the LORD calming my storm. That helped me. I tend to forget all those moments of utter weakness that I had at the hospital, but today they came alive. I am so thankful to serve a wonderful Savior.

God Gave

I was thinking about my Jenna yesterday, crying. I was so upset that God took her from me. He took her, I kept thinking. But then He showed me He gave her eternal life. She would never have to battle whether to get saved or not. She would never have the chance to doubt Christ and what He did for her on the cross. That thrilled my heart. It's like He gave her the shortcut to Heaven.

God sent me a Gerber

Well, in a manner of speaking. To me, gerbers are the best thing on earth besides air condition. And to me my kitten Belle is just like a gerber daisy. She is so lovely and constantly reminds me of Jenna Belle. And no, I did not name her Belle - the SPCA did. AND, she weighed 1 lb, 1 oz. just like our Jenna Belle. God is good. This is her attacking my orchids.

Too Tired to Cry

Well it might be more than just tiredness. I can't cry lately because I realize that no matter how hard I cry or how long I cry, she is NOT coming back. That thought usually leaves me feeling hopeless. I know better, of course. But somehow that's the circle I get caught up into. I read Psalms 69 today. David talks about how he is "weary of crying", but he also ended that thought with, "mine eyes fail while I wait for my God." The Bible did not have that last part italicized, I just wanted to emphasize his faith in such a hard time. Even when he felt hopeless he knew he could still wait on God and not be disappointed. So David cried. When I cry I can wait on my God. What a thought - that David's God is my God!

We're doing this...

That's what Mrs. Marsha (my pastor's wife) told me when we knew she wouldn't make it. It helped me. Today I just realized that my grandmother is taking Jenna's death pretty hard. Today's her birthday and tomorrow Jenna will have been gone a month. God is still good. I have been contemplating a series on emptiness. Emptiness can be devastating but it can also be healing. In fact feeling empty helps me realize my need of the Savior. I guess the Lord can't fill my cup until I'm empty. Empty of myself, my thoughts, and my ways.